Brothers and sisters

Brothers and sisters in one family - a special community with its laws of development. And these laws are roughly the same for all times and peoples. For example, the eldest child experiences with the emergence of a new baby in the family. Or rivalry of brothers, with the new exigencies vspyhi manufacturing in adolescence. Or unacknowledged jealousy younger sister to the elder, when it already enjoys a vengeance attention from the opposite sex. Some of these processes occur in the eyes of the parents (and quarrel fights). Others find themselves not so clearly. What you need to know about this and what can parents do?

Playing in the baby

Very spicy, children are experiencing the emergence of younger brother or sister. Especially if the age difference between them is less than three years. They often experience severe anxiety, show aggressiveness. This is due to a natural decline in maternal attention to them. But at least such a reaction is natural and eldest child: to regain the attention of my mother, you should again be small, to behave as a baby.

Parents should try to work constructively to deal with this turn of events. That is not to condemn, and indeed, not penalized for such behavior. Just give your child the opportunity to once again feel baby, but in a game with certain rules.

Game can be given 15-30 minutes a day. And it must be time exclusively to communicate Mom and eldest child. It will not be distracted by phone calls, looking for a junior who is one of the household. In this half-hour elder son or daughter is allowed to behave as a child: to drink from a bottle, is sitting on a high chair, ask the mother feed you with a spoon or ukachat on hand, etc.

You can invite a child along to see a photo or video, where he was in the same age as his brother and now sister. Play with him in the infant play. You can get clothes from where he grew up, his old toys. Tell how they were happy in their time of his appearance, his first smile, first steps, etc. Think funny and cute cases relating to his childhood. Receptions can be very diverse. The main thing is that the child understood: it was loved then and still love now.

Play well with the older child may not only mother, but also other family members. Even better, if not the spectators. Play regularly until your little revnivets not lose interest in this study. He may try to portray the baby constantly, not only in the time allotted for the game. Let him understand: in vneigrovoe time, you can expect from him more mature behavior.

Stress: You are proud that you are an adult, independent and capable child to whom you can ask for help. But that does not mean that he has appeared only new responsibilities. Let the eldest son or daughter take advantage of their new situation. For example, you can allow him to go to bed later, or provide other benefits.

Is it possible to love all equally?

Modern experts on education argue - this is an illusion. It is impossible for all children in the family love the same way. Even so at least that they are - different age groups (education twins - a particular conversation). So do not blame yourself if you do not have to pay attention to all children equally. And how can this be measured? Moreover, children of different ages and attention, and love need to be treated differently. The main thing is that there was no apparent preference for one child to another.

Worth watching for their reactions to the same acts and manifestations of older and younger children. Anxiety and crying baby are seen as a natural reaction to some inconvenience, or as an expression of needs. A similar behavior of older child wants to call disobedience and immorality. Meanwhile, it has its requirements, and their reasons for discontent.

The zeal of the brothers and sisters

Jealousy may be any person regardless of his age and status. Most often, this feeling occurs as a manifestation of low self-esteem, self-doubt, fear of losing someone's affection. It is clear that a child should not suffer a lack of love and caring friends.

On the other hand, do not build him a sense of exclusivity. Gradually he will understand that the care required not only to him alone. For example, even grandparents, other close people. Then the emergence of another child in the family will not be for him a source of endless entertainment.

Often, adults more clearly and quickly react to neodobryaemoe the child's behavior. A positive behavior perceived as a matter of course. Some children understood this way: easier to get negative attention than to work and do something good. Make sure that your child will understand: it will get you more response and interest, if approved ways to behave. It is possible that over time changed roles with the youngest child - more likely to be perceived as kaprizulyu and pickle.

Quarrels and fights

There is no family in which the relationship between brothers and sisters have been formed exclusively smoothly without any problems. This is it possible that when the difference in the age of children is very high - fifteen years or more. Feelings of helplessness and impotent rage at the sight of children ssoryaschihsya familiar to most parents. American mothers and practical psychologists Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish offer a few rules to help parents.

- Do not condemn the child and does not prohibit him smile negative feelings towards the younger brother or sister. Better to help him understand those feelings and show that you understand them, sochuvstvuete it. For example: "I understand you are afraid that we will love you less?" The child will understand what exactly it saddens and disturbs. It is not a new baby, a fear of losing a sense of security, which gave him the confidence to incorporate your love for him.

- Not required immediately of the positive feelings, it only reinforces the negative emotions. When the child is settled, the good feelings will come by themselves. That depends on your own style of communication, from your ability to love and to express positive feelings.

- Teach children to express their anger, protest, pet safe and harmless to the surrounding method. For example, in symbolic form: a drawing, sculpture, unsent letter, poems, etc. But not in the abuse and not a fight. Figure you can crush, break into small pieces, discard, etc.

- Fighting between the children stop immediately, but take care not to engage in determine who is right and wrong. Just pay more attention to the victim. Make sure that the children do not maintain permanent role of abuser or victim. Do not learn that any deal with quarreling parents. Choose a time when children are quiet, do not conflict with each other. Then discuss with them how to constructively resolve conflicts or disputes.